Life is not an initiation.
It's an innovation.
Life is an experience.
An open heart is an open mind.
I grew up that kid. You know the one your parents asked “why can’t you be like (insert my name here)?”; that was me. Thumbs up. Between an innate need to people-please (read “kiss up”) and and an overwhelming need to do what was expected (helicopters, before that was a thing, if you know what I mean) and … I had the weight of all the feelings (yours, mine, the cats; you get the picture) on my shoulders. I also had the weight of all the cookies (and bread). Around my middle.
Fast forward to college (insert dramatic music here) where my dissatisfaction for living up to what everyone else wants (at minimum what I thought they wanted), the helicopter unable to land in a dorm, whiskey (not much coke), and dissatisfaction with my own sweet self (did I mention I was a fat kid?); then we add in a bit of good old self-sabotage and we find ourselves in what I lovingly call The Handbasket Years. We won’t dwell here. Fast forward again and we find ourselves at The Great Tipping Point.
Me working as a mattress sales person/store manager (five 10+hour days), still heavy, tired cranky, now married with a step-child, everything sucked. I sucked. Everything was hard. Then that magic moment, I changed. I pulled up my big girl underoos and got to work. Let me reiterate: I changed. Tired with myself, feeling a bit sad? Okay, do something woman! I did. (I still do. Every Day) Realizing that the power was in my hands (it really is my fault; I decide how to respond/react to what I receive) was
Shera level powerful for me. I stopped accepting that this was what I was/had to be (Fat kid, horrid job, anxious, tired, whiskey-so-I-don’t-think-about-it) and rediscovered the yoga I fell in love with (with my mother in middle and high school), rediscovered the art I had left for 4 years(can we say face-palm?), started painting again, started doing art festivals, we ALL went vegan (husband, child; not the cats), I lost 72lbs… And here I am. ME.
I never lost that need to please (now I find that satisfaction in clearing the way for inspiration), I just give myself a bit of credit. I do me. Which involves copious amounts of paint, awe at being able to yoga-like-a-beast, trying new things, and lots and lots of love. I forgot the "should-bes" to find my VERVE. I want the same for you.
Love long and prosper, Namaste.
I'm a Yogini-Artist in love with sparkle, indulging in words, delighting in the rediculous, and ready to try most anything. Follow my experience @jalowans on Instagram.